Is women's liberation a crock?

As I’ve moved past the uncertainty of my 20s and in to the calm and comfort of my mid-30s, I catch myself doing much reflection on who I am, what I want, and how I fit in the world in which I find myself. By and large, I feel good about myself, who I am, and what’ve accomplished. But, increasingly, I feel isolated and at odds with people’s perception of who and what I am or at least what they think that I should be.

In Jo Freeman’s, “The BITCH Manifesto”, originally published in the late 60’s, she talks about the duality that is a bitch; she is female, but never a true woman. She goes on to define the three basic characteristics of bitches. I have reproduced them in part below:

1) Personality. Bitches are aggressive, assertive, domineering, overbearing, strong-minded, spiteful, hostile, direct, blunt, candid; […] A bitch occupies a lot of psychological space. You always know she is around. A Bitch takes shit from no one. You may not like her, but you can’t ignore her.
2) Physical. Bitches are big, tall, strong, large, loud, brash, harsh; […] They have loud voices and often use them. Bitches are not pretty.
3) Orientation. Bitches seek their identity strictly thru themselves and what they do. They are subjects, not objects….They are independent cusses and believe they are capable of doing anything they damn well want to…. More often they are accused of domineering when doing what would be considered natural by a man.

According to Freeman, one must posses at least two of the qualities above in order to be considered a Bitch. “Their attitudes toward themselves and other people, their goal orientations, their personal style, their appearance and way of handling their bodies, all jar people and make them feel uneasy.” ~ J. Freeman

Much of what is contained within the manifesto strikes a powerful emotional cord with my psyche, but I believe that the pendulum of expectation has swung far and wide from the reality in which Ms. Freeman found herself in the mid 60s.

In the forty years since the feminist movement, much progress has been made by women to penetrate careers and occupations that were once male dominated. But, I wonder at what price? Why after 40 years are woman that are perhaps different, not quite as defined in the manifesto, still persecuted and made to feel uncomfortable and uneasy.

Why is it now wrong for a woman to want the role that was traditionally defined as female? I, often, feel guilty because I’m not happy, not completely satisfied, with my life as it exists today. Shouldn’t I be? I’m the very definition of a bitch in so many ways, the very type of woman that the feminist movement sought to uplift and liberate. I’m single, with a great job in a predominately male oriented field. I have two awesome kids and absolutely no one on the earth that I hold myself accountable too.

Why is it wrong for me to want a man in my life? The five years since my divorce have been driven by the primary purpose of proving that I don’t need a man in order to succeed, only to learn that success is not necessarily happiness and is often very hollow and unrewarding. Why can’t I want someone just to hold me? Protect me? Make a decision or two for me? Why does society dictate that I always lead?

Finally, I wonder if I’m the only woman in the world that feels this way. Am I the only one struggling with an identity that is both powerful and strong, yet vulnerable and sensitive?

The feminists believed that you could have it all…career, family, independence and that you didn’t need anyone but yourself in order to be happy, fulfilled, and successful. Now, 40 years later, I wonder if anyone has actually reached that magical balance or like me, do they have a million roles they are juggling and a sense that perhaps they are only performing each function at a certain level a mediocrity.

I’ll write more on this subject later. I have multiple topics in mind:
* Now that I posses the traits of a bitch, is there even a man out there that would want me?
* How much of my bitchiness am I willing compromise?
* Why can’t bitches get along? Home. Work. Socially.
* Why can’t bitches be pretty? Does it make me more intimidating than the societally approved bitch if I am pretty or feminine?